Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Beloved


And did you get what
you wanted from this life, even so?
I did.
And what did you want?
To call myself beloved, to feel myself
beloved on the earth.

- Raymond Carver



Today was a day of goodbyes, from beginning to end.

This is what happens when you leave one post for the next. You start staring down the goodbyes, new ones each day. Every day another solemn last, even as you're laughing and loving and living in a place. Even - yes, it's true - as you're feeling annoyed and ready-to-leave.

Part of me is SO ready to be finished with work. I'm just... tired. Ready to be done. Ready for the next challenge. Ready to sleep in and write some chapters and plan elaborate meals in the middle of the week.

But the folks in my office threw a going away party for me and my pal MOOCie today, and it sort of hit me that, wow, I'm leaving. And I'm going to miss these people. I was supposed to give a speech, but I'm not much with words. So I kind of hemmed and hawed and said some stupid stuff before running out the door to baseball.

So this is my speech.

I have learned so much from this job. Not just that I hate working full-time, or that I'm reallyreally bad at work-life balance, or that the best part of my work day is the secret stash of chocolate chips in my desk drawer.

But also.

I have some smart, funny, beautiful coworkers. Some of them, like N, you just have to love from the moment they smile at you on your first day. Others I didn't love right away, you know? They sort of grew on me. Like D - she was a little bit intimidating at first, but it turns out she's as funny as she is serious. Or B, who knows the job backwards and forwards, better than I ever could. R writes poetry, M has the driest sense of humor, W makes the most delicious mousse, S keeps me sane.... the list goes on and on.

So I'm relieved to be finishing this chapter. But I'm also sad. I was kind of overwhelmed all morning, really, and it just built throughout my day, this sense of being not quite ready to leave. I'm leaving behind some people who are really worth loving.

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