Thursday, January 3, 2013

Ugly Sweaters

It seems somehow it is already time to wrap up the ornaments, to box up the Santas, to stash the tree boxes in the closet.

But where did the time go? I have so many posts in my head, so many stories I need to write up before this Christmas season vanishes into the ether. The kids will be back at school on Sunday, and I'll be back at work, and I'll have already failed at my half-baked resolutions, three times over at least. With that - life returns to normal.

I haven't even told you about the ugly sweater party we went to! Though, truth be told, I've been struggling with how, exactly, to explain it. How to explain the cheesy door prizes for best sweater? Bart himself won a bottle of "Wild Africa Cream" - I'm not sure what sort of alcohol is inside, but the outside of the bottle is lined with fuzzy leopard fur or something equally frightening.

Tell me: Would you drink this? If so, stop on by...

One gentleman, whom I'd never seen before the party and haven't seen since, showed up in a sweater that he'd carefully hung with glass Christmas ornaments, prompting many an inebriated comment about his "shiny Christmas balls." He won a door prize, too - a can of whiskey. Being a bit intoxicated already, he thought it would be funny to crack open the can and down it as if it were a can of lite beer. (Bart shook his head in dismay: "Someone better tell that guy to stick his finger down his throat, quick.") The last time I saw the guy, he staggered past me and straight into a wall, shattering those shiny balls of his. Some military guys were enlisted to get him home safely, and off he went, more or less vertical.

There was one other guy there who got memorably (to me at least; probably not so much to him) drunk. He strung his t-shirt with Christmas lights and walked around blinking all night long. When he'd had enough to drink ("I live jus' down the shhtreet..." he told nobody in particular), he decided to walk home. And he proceeded to do just that, staggering right down the middle of the street. "Should somebody help him get home?" one guy asked. "Naw," said another. "If he gets hit by a car when he's lit up like a Christmas tree, it was probably his time to go."

Okay, but not everyone got drunk. I myself stayed respectably sober, which is probably why I remember these tales. I definitely have a few blackmail-worthy shots (Hey, if you're going to wear a sweater that shows Santa doing that, you should probably expect that I'll bring out the photos when you get your first star.) Tragically, I did not get a photo of Major Winerack's husband in his Santa suit. Maybe next year.

On Santa's lap...

Photo has been cropped to protect the guilty.

Me n' Major WR kept getting our antlers hooked together.

And that was the ugly sweater party. I'm still hoping to find a proper way to tell you about the whole Turkish bath experience. Stay tuned...


Popster said... [Reply]

This is what the KWV company says it is.
This award winning cream liqueur (Gold award at the 2005 ISC) is a tantalising blend of fresh cream, distilled spirit and caramel yielding a delectable, easy drinking exotic cream liqueur, encapsulated in packaging that is as bold and unforgettable as the taste experience in every glass.

Nomads By Nature said... [Reply]

um, yeah, that bottle -- we bought it in South Africa on a random spirits and wine sampling purchase run. Basically we decided to buy a few bottles of stuff with fun names or interesting packaging. To cut to the chase, it is like watered down Amaruela. Not a favorite, but it won't send you down the street as a blinking dare to motorists. Because you won't want to drink that much of it. Best advice: save it and pass along!

Please. Write your own stuff.