I wrote an article shortly after it happened, because that is how I process hard things. It ran in Beijing Kids Magazine a few months later - have I linked to it before? Anyway, click on that link, or this one, if you want to read it. When I wrote it, I was thinking of baby Lily and her mom. I was thinking of the things that have happened to me, and to my loved ones, and of the fears that we all have.
My mom was fretting a few years back, over coffee in Seattle, about worries she has for one of her kids (not gonna say which one!). She said that she thought maybe all of the problems she worried about stemmed back to this child's infancy, that maybe she'd done something wrong back then that somehow triggered problems down the road.
I was shocked, really, and surprised, because her children are all grown now, and shouldn't she really have stopped worrying about them by now? Shouldn't she have stopped blaming herself for the things that haven't gone right, or the things that she wishes were different for her kids? But she insisted that once a mom, always a mom, and you're always trying to fix things.
I guess I'm starting to understand that, more and more every year.
So I know my friend thinks of her baby Lily every day, and I know it's worse around the holidays. Know, my friend, that I am still thinking with you, and grieving for you, and praying for that small daughter of yours. This month and always.