Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged

It's true. Sometimes I can be a little, well, judgmental.

(It's not my fault! Those other people just do stupid things sometimes!)

But the judgier I get, the more it comes back to haunt me. As soon as I criticize someone else's poor choice, well, it never fails but that I turn around and do the Same. Damned. Thing.

Karma is indeed a boomerang.

Before, when I worked part time, I took great pride in the fact that I cooked everything from scratch. Homemade wheat bread, and tortillas, and soups and stocks, and cakes and cookies and even ricotta cheese, for gawd's sake. Did you know I can make cheese from scratch? Yes I can! Shannon over at Cyberbones taught me how.

I'm not an arts n' crafts mom, or a birthday party planning mom, or a room mother mom, but I defy you to find a healthier house than mine at the dinner hour.

And not only did I love taking the time to cook for my family, but I'll admit it made me a bit - dare I say it? - judgy of the non-cooking moms. I'll see your Popsicle stick rendering of the Taj Mahal and raise you a homemade pizza crust, with chocolate mousse for dessert.

But now.

Now I've started working full time, and my judginess has vanished. Unless, that is, you count the heaps of judging I'm doing of my own self.

I wander the aisles of the store looking not for the perfect bunch of Swiss chard, but for the perfect shortcut. It reached an all time low when I caught myself staring at a $7 pack of frozen ravioli and wondering if I could serve that with plain melted butter.

Tragedy has struck. I've become what I've always before been able to mock.

There has to be a happy medium somewhere between freezer-burned cheese ravioli and homemade ricotta. Doesn't there? I mean, there has to be a way to make dinner AND hold down a job.

For now, though, I spend my weekends cooking for the freezer. If I don't cook it on Saturday, we don't eat it on Tuesday. And it bothers me. It bothers me a lot. Because that was the one thing I took actual real pride in as a mom. It was the one area where I dared go toe-to-toe with the other moms.

So now I'm learning not to judge them so harshly. More importantly, I'm going to have to learn not to judge myself so harshly, either. I know, I know: my self-worth shouldn't be caught up in whether I know why a double-risen whole wheat dough is better than single. But it is.

And so I'm forced to redefine myself in more ways than one because of this still-new job of mine.

And I'm going to try really, really hard to stop being so harsh in my judgements. Of you, of course. But also of me.


Betsy said... [Reply]

That is so me. I am horrible at arts and crafts, but I am a great cook. I once put a photo on my Facebook wall that said 'I cook real food'. Yes, I am a tab bit judgemental. Thankfully, I had the good sense to realize it and get rid of the photo quickly. :)

Dorothy Handelman said... [Reply]

Nothing like a dose of self satisfaction to open the floodgates of karma. My kids, now teens, absolutely ate more delicious home cooked meals than I want to admit. Until one day, my eldest, wise beyond her years (especially in her own opinion) surveyed the well laid dinner table one night and said "You know, Mom. You really don't have to do all this for us everyday. There must be something more interesting you'd rather do."
Since then, no one's starved or complained when dinner was ramen and a salad. (well, and sometimes, in a pinch, only ramen...!)

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