Strange that it's been that long - it still seems so raw and new to me sometimes. I still forget which side I need to sit on when I'm in a group and want to hear what's being said. I still get frustrated when I can't hear people joking and gossiping around me at parties. I know it still drives my husband up the wall when I ask him to repeat himself, over and over again. And I still get incredibly embarrassed when I mishear something and give a totally inappropriate response when asked a question.
But five years, wow. We were brand new in Beijing back then. I was pregnant with Ainsley. I'd never even thought about living in the middle east - I was still trying to learn to count in Mandarin.
To celebrate, I went back and looked at a few of my blog posts from the time.
That's the beauty of having a blog. I can cruise back into the archives and remember where I was. I can see how far I've come. And I know how much further I still have to go.
I hate being deaf. I hate the tinnitus, that wave of imaginary sound that lives in my deaf ear, day and night, louder than any of the real sounds around me. I hate that I still lose my balance when I stand up quickly because I'm missing all of the balance cues that ordinary people have. I hate that I can't hear the whispered jokes in crowded places.
But it's been five years, and it's who I am now.
Here are some of my old posts, in case you want to look back and celebrate with me.
Brain in a Bag.